It’s November and, after posting something about myself looking like a gimp on Twitter, I had to explain to my mother what a gimp is. Mum: So, […]

Lockdown has been eased. It’s June, or maybe July, it doesn’t matter any more, and we’re heading to a wedding dress fitting. In the car we both get […]

It’s warm this week and there’s a big wind. A big gentle wind blowing through deep layers of our psyche. It feels like an encouraging friend nudging us forward when it’s our turn to speak. History repeating itself is not necessarily a bad thing: there’s some unfinished business and it’s back to get finished.

June 7th The weather turned again this week. Now we’re riding the gloom train until the tracks run out. Our last warm evening was Tuesday. The birds here […]

May 30th Flies buzz around the flat, their wings the sound of determined futility; welcome to the sound of the summer. The year we realised we meant nothing. […]

  May 22nd I sit outside and hear the world shutting up and closing windows after a hot day. It sounds like nightfall in a small Italian town. […]

May 15th After a cold, grey week of watching the wind bully the trees, we’re back to beautiful mornings. Cool in the shadows but warm in the sun. […]

May 8th “Pandemic! Got that pandemic.” We can continue with The Wire as someone is feeling a bit stronger this week – less overwhelmed and more outraged. Eerily, […]

May 1st “Like ghosts, adders are something I have always wanted to but never seen,” I note down while intoxicated. White wine is a new addition to my […]

April 24th When the wind catches the Cyprus tree its leaves turn silver. I walk past a woman whose perfume takes me back to an untraceable image from […]

17th April “Another day in paradise.” I hear a neighbour say. It’s no longer worth noting what makes me cry. But I do wish Diego Maradona could’ve had […]

April 12th It’s black outside. As black as it gets in London. Orange-black. When the clouds pass through the sky like factory smoke. Nightly, there is the noise […]

April 3rd It smells like smouldering embers. Someone nearby has had a fire going overnight. Strange thing to be doing in London but we’ll all be lighting fires […]

March 27th There’s the familiar, mechanical Predator cackle of a magpie in a tree. It is another beautiful day. A distant hum of traffic, or is it just […]

March 24th 2020 London I would say it was a beautiful day, but I wake up with such a heaviness over me. The bright, bright sun has a […]

I have been paranoid since late January about COVID-19, a virus that sounds like one of the many tediously named planets at the arse-end of the solar system. […]

It’s that time of year again (my birthday), and to my mother’s delight (I’m sure), I imposed myself on her in Devon for a whole week. And we’ve […]

My friend asked if I would write a poem for her lovely website. A mere eight months or so later, I did just that. An ode to my home […]

It’s Christmas Eve. I’ve just returned to the room after wrapping mum’s presents. It seems mum is worried that I didn’t take long enough … Mum: The thing […]

It’s been another turbulent few months of political unrest and all signs are pointing towards the End Times. Mum and I have been dealing with the often-disturbing nature […]

Dear little mice, How are you? Is it sunny where you are? If not I hope you have felt its beams on your skin at least twice this […]

It’s been an interesting year to say the least. But, here we are, mum and I at the end of it, still standing, still talking to each other […]

I was lucky enough to help out with this wonderful workshop at the Ministry of Stories in Hoxton with PenguinRandomHouse where Elena Favilli, co-author of Goodnight Stories For […]

Back in the days when things weren’t immediate — when news didn’t travel at lightspeed and creations were nurtured in a bubble of time — things were said […]

Meant to put this up a while ago: hilarious friend, writer, director, pianist, comic, producer, control freak/genius, Ben Fogg, has made some rather hilarious videos to help him […]

I would be a scrooge to allow the festive season to pass without some of these. So, it’s the run-up to Christmas … Mum: I always think of […]

My short story, The Promise of Heaven, has received an ‘honourable mention‘ in Glimmer Train’s ‘New Writer’s Short Story Competition’. It was originally published here. If you missed the […]

Sure, why not. I’m an incredibly busy woman (as you can see from my hair). This does not mean I don’t the have time to entertain my whimsies, […]

It’s summer in North Devon. The swifts and swallows have arrived, as have approximately 9 million caravans and wankers with weekend surfboards. All the roads are blocked, there’s […]

…. My friend tried to have a nice picture taken with a footballer (Alex Oxlade-something-something) but it quickly became obvious that the photo would be better with me […]

Emu running from wildfire in California/the first of the English fleeing Albion …

I’m still at close proximity to Mum. Which means I just can’t help interacting with her … Someone’s on TV massaging a piece of pork with the sort […]

William Poyer has just returned from a three-year stint in Mexico. He’s returned with a new album (and a girlfriend), two new music videos and one in the […]

I know. It’s Valentine’s Day, I’m so sorry. It is now as inevitable as needing the loo eventually. There is no escape from its cellophane-wrapped clutches. BUT, don’t […]

People always tell you not to judge something by its cover; if that’s in regards to a person, then fine, I agree; I don’t want to be judged […]

… but it took so long no one is going to get one this year. Sorry! Here’s a sneak peak for next Christmas … only 369 days to go!

It’s been a while, too long I know some believe, but sometimes life doesn’t give you much amusing ammunition. Fortunately for everyone we’re emerging out the other side, […]

Once every two years I will read my poetry out loud in a public space; so far this has happened twice. Here is a picture to prove it […]

London, you are usually overcast when I visit you. Maybe twice a year when I’m up you’ll be blazing hot and people will be outside drinking like Europeans on the continent, but without the European tact of stopping before they’re sick …

My sister has translated an amazing Austrian book, ‘A Whole Life’. Her translation will be read on Radio 4s ‘Book At Bedtime’ on October 19th: meaning the rest […]

I got to do some funny interviews for a fashion magazine, making this the best fashion magazine out there. Available at at all classy newsagents …

Beverly Hills hit us like a naff old cloth. We’d had to move from our little Spanish paradise in Laurel Canyon for a week as the owners were […]

Hello, I’m here. Hollywood, Los Angeles, named after me, maybe even by me. Historians just don’t know and I can’t remember. I’ve been wanting to come here for […]

Framed original, with real gold leaf: £150. And some more of Alex Waespi’s finest photography: http://bespokeilluminations.com/

It’s Mothers Day! Yes mum, Dignitas hasn’t taken you yet. So let’s quickly get out some more of your weirdness while we can, before they come and wheel […]

Here is a long overdue sprinkling of words I have heard my mother say over the summer, may they get you through the last of it ….   […]

Thinking of sending this with my mortgage applications …   Witchy.

Ah, living. Being alive is pretty easy, most of it is done for us by our little bodies, but living, what an art that is. Life can dance […]

An eternity in East London, that’s hell for me, Trapped with tasseled wasters and sailors with no sea. Men dressed for hard labor, others as the savior. Girls […]

It was a big day for Jesus, it was a big day for everyone, it was certainly a big day for mum. Christmas is upon us again.     […]

It’s been a period of review for me according to the stars, who always give me the most reliable life advice, and what better place to end that […]

Pink Floyd have wafted vaguely through my whole life. Like a heady, psychedelic incense they have always been in the air. They infiltrated my consciousness through old stereos […]

Last week I went down to see mother, it had been a tough fashion week and I needed to feel looked after. I’m twenty seven, sorry mum … […]

Rise before dawn, still in the air, still dew on the lawn. The status quo, trawl the front row. Shoulder blades, laws of status, old faces. Pseudo misanthropy, […]

It was that time of year again, the waning sun burning a deeper, hotter orange,  setting earlier, weighed down by the load of summer. September heralds my birthday, […]

It has been a fair few moons since our last dose of ‘Motherisms’ but you’ll be relieved to know little has changed …   We are talking about […]

Choosing to spend your summer in London is like choosing to spend your life with an unstable narcissit. There will be days when the clouds lift and you […]

Think you have women sussed and then all of a sudden you have your nice Afghan rug pulled from beneath your feet? Think it’s a waste of time […]

Men are from Mars, women have penis envy. You’d think with those truths we’d have them all figured out, but we don’t. Or, we didn’t … I have […]

A few moons ago the universe did something pretty funky. Venus was in Pluto, the Sun was in retrograde, the stars had aligned and got me an agent; […]

  It’s early August and there’s a party feeling in the air … the Olympics has arrived in London and down in Devon, mum’s about to have her […]

Career girls, they’re young, they’re smart, they’re pretty, they’re successful. Career girls are pretty great. I serve career girls every day. As I serve them coffee and they […]

Elly Welly and I discuss what to have for supper. Here he is making a strong case for egg and soldiers ….  

  Having had the sensation recently that London had worn away my funny bone, I decided it was time to head down to Devon for the weekend for […]

An Hour Fall in to the day, exhale the haze. Ashes of Arabic hashes oak smoked the tongue. Cycle the streets, chew on strawberry gum. Lukewarm, shades on, […]

    Yes, hello hello little mice. As routine as disappointment, but hopefully less disappointing, it’s time for another round of Motherisms! Wahey! Mum has just picked me […]

Poverty is the zeitgeist, it is just so. fucking. now. So, ever the prophet of what is ‘in’ I have been experimenting with poverty for years. Fortunately I’ve […]

Twenty-five years ago today I arrived on this planet with no idea what it had in store for me, or what the hundreds of other little people on […]

If you have been embroiled in a love malais this may help you. Once an admirer of la doleur esquise, I am now jaded by it. As a […]

For Gorilla Film Magazine Feats of human achievement have been retold since, well, since there were humans. We have always found a way of re-telling our stories, from […]

I’m starting to worry about myself, more than normal; because normally it’s .. “Why is the light so bright? Maybe I have meningitis ..” “Why am I so […]

  Well, here we are again. Motherisms on Mothering Sunday I hear you chortle. How apt of you Jade. It is rather isn’t it. Today is a day […]

Recently I was struck with, what was initially the horror of my mortality, and what is now a sort of schoolgirl reluctance to accept that in this instance, […]

  It’s Christmas, time to hang out with the mother. She’s a smart lady and I don’t think realizes how funny she is. So it’s time take note […]

Happy Happy Joy Joy  ….   I was going to write a blog about coming to terms with my mortality, but I decided it wasn’t all that festive […]

Horrorsville is a town I haven’t been to in a while. I’ve been avoiding it. Something bad has happened there …. I’d been wondering recently why I had […]

  Jobless Wonder It’s been two weeks since I last had work, My mother keeps telling me it’s a vocational burp. You’re freelance she cries, it’s no surprise. […]

Last week I got a strange urge: I live alone and although I don’t get lonely (I actively prefer not living with anyone) I felt the need to […]

The other day I came down with a nasty cold, it had been a long time coming (as a hypochondriac, it always is.) I made the most of […]

Last week I had my eyes opened and my ignorance stretched in front of me like a cats guts over a guitar. I’ll take it from the top […]

Blade Runner is a classic. A real cool classic. People with taste like Blade Runner, film buffs like Blade Runner, everyone likes Blade Runner. I’ve never seen Blade […]

Conkers, bonfires, sheepskin, changing leaves, red wine ….. September is the best month of the year. Fact. It holds the day of International Peace, which I feel is […]

And with tentative fingers I type the first entry to my blog … Twelve words I never thought I’d hear myself say, in the same sentence. I say […]