Men are from Mars, women have penis envy. You’d think with those truths we’d have them all figured out, but we don’t.
Or, we didn’t …
I have observed both sexes at all ages, compiled the data, ignored the anomalies and uncovered the facts.
The following are a few little pearls all women should have floating around in their consciousness (if you don’t already) …
Guys who like cats …
… Like bitches.
Men who have read a book called ‘The Game’ will try and get you on a ‘Yes Ladder’ …
… Don’t. It’s not as positive as it sounds.
If you like him …
… he will disappoint you. That’s just the way it is.
If he doesn’t have a job …
… Wait until he has one. Poverty is not romantic, especially when you can’t afford candles. Trust me.
If he trims his pubes …
… He has too much time on his hands.
If he shaves his pubes …
…
If he gushes about how much he likes you on the first date …
… odds are he won’t like you that much by the third, because he likes his idea of you.
If he plucks his eyebrows …
… He’s depressed.
If he’s married …
… he’s married.
Don’t go out with men with (active) addictions …
… addictions are more costly, time consuming and destructive than another woman. His existential agony is not romantic. Well, it is, but it’s not conducive to a nice time.
If he irons his jeans …
… he’s repressed, and probably a sadist.
Smart women are suspicious of good-looking men …
…. As smart men are suspicious of smart women.
If he never seems to be on Facebook …
… He’s always on Facebook. He’s a lurker.
He dumped you?
He’ll come back for more. It is but a matter of time.
If he has more female friends than male, it is not adorable …
…. It’s a sign he’s either a bit of a tart, or slightly flaccid.
A man of great words is fine …
… A man of great deeds is better. Never believe the hype.
If he has long hair …
… he’s not free, he’s having an identity crisis.
Inside every man …
… is a scared little boy. So stop looking for daddy.
Guys who go in for v.dramatic PDA are drunk, or attention seeking wankers…
… Next time, open your eyes and check where his are.
If you’ve set your sights on the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, don’t sleep with him before he’s fallen in love with you …
… but if you do, be a little bit shit in bed. Otherwise he’ll find you frivolous and intimidating.
If he wears low Vs …
… He will have a tiny penis.
If a nice guy is nice to you …
… He MAY not be depressing. He may just be nice.
Don’t chase a man …
It’s naff.
Stay calm …
However great you think he is, he’s just a human. And all humans start off as bum holes. You started off as a bum hole. Let that put your situation in to perspective.
This is all science, so 100% accurate and no room for error. It is verbatim.
Up next … A Guy’s Guide To Girls ….
