A Guy’s Guide To Girls …

Think you have women sussed and then all of a sudden you have your nice Afghan rug pulled from beneath your feet?

Think it’s a waste of time even trying to understand women?

Think there’s nothing to understand?

Think you have women sussed and you’re standing on solid ground?

Think again.

Think of women as mysterious (ahem) spirits, I am the buffer, the Ouija Board if you will, between you and the other side.

 Don’t be scared. Grab a glass and sit down ….

“You’re not telepathic” … 

You don’t need to be. Let’s say you did 10 things today, one of them has fucked her off. Bear in mind it could be the one you think she doesn’t know about.

If she talks like a baby …

… advise her to see a therapist, and ask if her mum’s single.

If she thinks it’s funny to fart and burp in front of you all the time …

 … throw your drink over her.

If she has friends that are only girls … 


There’s no point trying to pull the wool over a woman’s eyes …

 …. She can see when she’s been fleeced.

Girls have heard it all before …

It has always been assumed that women are the ones susceptible to flattery. That with a few sweet nothings women are left in a state of nirvana, itching to take off their knickers. In reality, for the most part, women are rather dubious of compliments and even find it uncomfortable. Men however, thinking they are superior to such whimsies are very susceptible. Be careful, it leaves you wide open to manipulation.

During an argument, don’t say … 

… “My mother would never have done that.” Because, well, here’s hoping there’s a lot of things your mother never did.


Women with healthy relationships with their fathers are ….

… rare and wonderful creatures. Cherish them.

If she’s on date 1 with you ….

 … it doesn’t mean all that much, she’s scoping you out.

If she’s on date 2 …

 … she’s already made up her mind as to whether she likes you or not. She does.

DISCLAIMER: Make sure she’s aware these are dates, otherwise it could end up a little embarrassing, for you. 

Man up and try being a gentleman once in a while …

… hold doors open, offer a woman your seat, help a woman with her luggage. It will do wonders for your character and you never know, if you stop acting like a slob, maybe the girls will too.

Take a hint …

… otherwise you force women to be unpleasant, and in the other respect, obvious, and we would rather be neither.

Do at least try not to stare at other women when with your wife/girlfriend ….

… everyone (except you) finds it awkward. Especially the other woman.

If you work out …. 

… please god for everyone’s sake, don’t wear tight gun-grazing tops. We are not impressed.

If you’ve got a tattoo …

… don’t roll up your sleeves/wear shorts in winter so we can see it. So. Lame.

Playing games is for dum dums…           

 … if she likes you, she likes you. No amount of not calling her will increase that, and visa versa.

Inside every woman is ….

…. a scared little girl. So give your mum a hand once in a while.

Smart women tire of stupid men …

…. as stupid women tire of smart men.


Nice guys don’t finish last ….

They just have to play the (really) long game.

You can however be too nice …

… A woman wants someone she knows would fight for her life, not plead for it.


Be honest ….

… a woman’s optimism should be her grace, don’t make it her down fall.

Feminists are …

… better in bed.

Put yourself out there …

… the worst she can do is tell you to go back from whence you came, and there’s probably someone else back there waiting.

“A man wants to be a woman’s first love, a woman his last”.

Guys like to know how many, if any, loves there were before they entered your life, girls are less concerned with who and how many have come before them, but who and how many come after.

Don’t threaten or throttle …

… unless she has a knife. Or you’re a fuck.

If you think she’s special ….

 … make her feel it.

Don’t ever underestimate what a woman is capable, no matter her past or present situation …

… she will always prove you wrong, for better or for worse.

If she doesn’t have a sense of humor about herself …

 … she doesn’t have a sense of humor.

When we’re in love ….

 … we’re all as mad as each other.

We’re not here for very long, might as well be nice to each other while it lasts; as a wise man once said, “60% of the time, it works every time,” much like karma. x

Keep them keen